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"you took a white orchid, turned it blue" // 29 April 2005 somwhere between 9pm last night and this morning, i came down with a cold. blee. i just feel so...wretched. (and melodramatic as you can see. i actually think i've contracted man flu). what i hate most about it is that i could see it coming. i've been feeling really down all this week and i haven't been eating or sleeping properly and now that i'm ill, it's like "of course!..." of course if i go to bed straight away when i come home from uni, it's not normal. of course, if i don't eat anything at all during the day and then start eating at 6pm, it's not normal. i'm just wallowing in self pity really. it's been a bit of a strange day. i went to pick up st. from the station and she had told me in her text that she was coming home because there was family stuff going on. anyway, what she told me wasn't far off the mark of what i suspected but it still was a surprise nonetheless. it surprises me how selfish i can be, because my first reaction was that i couldn't believe that she didn't tell me that and we've known each other this long. but then 10 seconds later i was feeling incredibly guilty because all this stuff was going on right under our noses and we didn't know anything about it and we couldn't do anything for her. i know intellectually that we couldn't have known but that doesn't stop me from feeling this awful sadness and ignorance, from feeling like i'm so lug-headed that i didn't pick up on it. and she made a good point, we're so hung up on friends (especially girlfriends) being there for each other, through all the highs and lows of relationships, work and uni, we forget about other things. she's right that we do need to talk about it more. anyway, i keep on turning it over in my mind. on another note, i find the whole tom cruise/katie holmes match to be a bit suspect. the whole thing screams of PR stunt and i suspect that katie is the latest in a long line of beards. also, i finally got around to getting a CD copy of the great eastern by the delgados. i think it's perhaps one of my top five favourite albums of all time. ("all time top five" high-fidelity style has rapidly turned into a favourite game to play at work, although we are fast running out of categories. we've even resorted to "all-time top five condiments".) anyway, if you're interested and want a taster, eminently downloadable tracks are no danger, american trilogy & make your move. pop picks "hombre" M.I.A (free download of the week on iTunes...get it now kids!); "1, 2 step, ciara; "blue orchid", the white stripes; "in the morning", the coral. p.s. and in case you're wondering, they were french's mustard, ketchup, tartare sauce, chilli sauce and mayonnaise. "it's not you..." - 03 April 2006 |
